


Rise

by afterallthistennant



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic victuuri, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Grand Prix Final, Ice Skating, Inspired by Music, Inspired by Yuri!!! on Ice, Loss, Love, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, VictUuri, Victuuri Week, Victuuri Week 2017, Yoi - Freeform, Yuri on Ice - Freeform, Yuri!!! on Ice Week 2017, viktuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:56:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11186529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterallthistennant/pseuds/afterallthistennant
Summary: How do you pick yourself up after your world comes crashing down?**this is a re-work of my original Rise Fic. I wrote this one differently and added quite a bit. I left the original one posted though and it now is called Rise (Original Version) **





	Rise

**Author's Note:**

> There is music embedded in the middle of this fic. It works for some mobile users but is more reliable on a non-mobile computer.

Yuuri loved lazy mornings with Viktor more than anything and if there was one thing the off-season was good for it was lazy mornings. Today Yuuri woke up to Viktor’s face inches from his own as Viktor playfully whined, “Yuuriiiiiiiii, wake up! I’m hungry and I missed you while you were sleeping”. In the end Viktor won, as usual but not before Yuuri dramatically fainted across Viktor’s chest and retorted, “You only like me because you want a live in maid!”. Viktor’s jaw dropped in mock horror as he mischievously responded, “Yuuri! How dare you think I only like you for your cooking… You’re great at other things too! He winked cheekily at Yuuri and suddenly rolled over so that he was staring down at his lovely dark-haired fiancé. Yuuri froze and stared intently at Viktor’s gem-like eyes as Viktor reached a slender hand towards Yuuri’s face. Delicately, Viktor pushed a few dark strands away from Yuuri’s face so that he could stare into the other man’s eyes. Viktor leaned in and paused, listening to the sound of Yuuri’s steady breathing before gently pressing a kiss against Yuuri’s neck. He moved upwards to kiss Yuuri’s lips, each kiss somehow gentler than the previous until it was barely a flutter of lips against skin. He brushed his lips against Yuuri’s now closed eyelids before retreating back to the safe-haven of Yuuri’s lips to press a more desperate kiss against his fiance’s lips. Yuuri pressed back into the kiss almost twice as hard as he wrapped his arms around Viktor’s slender form. With self-satisfaction, Viktor found himself thinking, ‘Yuuri’s definitely awake now’. 

They worked through their normal morning routine. Viktor made coffee as Yuuri cooked breakfast for the two of them. Viktor had tried to prepare breakfast once, but as they both quickly learned, when you grow up in the spotlight of artistic athleticism, you have less time to perfect things like cooking. Viktor could make a few things and he made them extremely well… breakfast was not one of those things. He could however, brew a fantastic pot of coffee. After the coffee was started Viktor leaned against the counter in their kitchen and watched Yuuri cook. He absolutely loved to watch Yuuri cook. It was almost as entrancing as watching him skate. He smiled as Yuuri cracked a couple eggs into a lightly steaming pan filled with fresh vegetables and simmering meats. Viktor would happily watch Yuuri in these small, seemingly insignificant moments for the rest of his life. Once breakfast was ready the two sat at their small wooden table and discussed their plans for the day. “I think after breakfast we should clean up quick, then I need to listen to a few potential skate songs that Yakov sent me before we head to practice”, Yuuri suggested. Viktor nodded, perfectly complacent in letting Yuuri guide them through their day. 

After breakfast Yuuri turned on a small speaker that sat on their living room table. He connected his phone and turned on the cleaning playlist the two had created together. Upbeat pop music filled the small apartment as they started to clean. Yuuri started with the breakfast dishes as Viktor started in their bedroom, making the bed, picking up a few lone stragglers of clothing, and any other misplaced items that needed to be returned to their proper place. He opened up the single drawer of the small nightstand that resided by Yuuri’s side of the bed. He was dropping Yuuri’s MP3 player inside when he saw a small folded note tucked inside with his own name on it. Curiosity won against his better judgement and he opened the small note. 

Viktor,

I can’t keep you from skating anymore. I can tell that you want to be out there again. I see it in your eyes when you watch me skate to the center of the ice. There is a renewed hunger in your soul and I can’t stand in the way of that. However, I also can’t see myself skating without you. You brought strength, confidence, and a fierce sense of desire back into my life. I’m afraid that without you by my side, I won’t have the strength to continue skating. I know that you’ll try to stop me, but it’s my decision to make and mine alone. I’m going to retire so that you can compete again. This season has been the culmination of everything I ever wanted out of skating… thanks to you. 

Just because I won’t be skating any longer, doesn’t mean I won’t see you anymore. I can handle ending my skating career, I couldn’t stand losing you. If you’ll have me there, I’ll be with you every step of the way. 

Love, Yuuri Katsuki

Viktor blinked away tears as he considered what Yuuri was prepared to give up for him. Although they had decided to continue to skate together, Viktor couldn’t help but feel a fierce pride for the selfless love they shared. He thought back to last year at the Grand Prix Finals as they stood on the cusp of something beautifully significant. Though they were unsure at the time they decided to leap together, hand-in-hand into something unknown and terrifying. Suddenly Viktor remembered a very similar note that he had written to Yuuri while in Barcelona. He had it in his own nightstand, tucked inside a small book of poems that Yuuri had given him. He pulled out the note and clutched it in his hand. He stood in their room considering if he should leave it with Yuuri’s note inside Yuuri’s nightstand. Suddenly, Yuuri popped his head in the room and laughed at Viktor, “You can’t fool me into doing all the cleaning by hiding in here forever Viktor”. Viktor laughed and in his most husbandly voice said, “coming dear”, as he directed his deliriously charming smile towards Yuuri. The Japanese skater turned and left the room and Viktor quickly followed suite. On his way out the door he quickly reached towards Yuuri’s nightstand to leave his note there for his fiance. He attempted to shove the note in the drawer, but failed to notice that the note fluttered to the ground landing in an almost-invisible hiding spot between the rail of the bed and the leg of the nightstand. 

As much as Yuuri loved training and skating with Viktor, it was these lazy mornings in the off season that he loved the most because the lazy mornings were when they learned all the tiny things about each other that only made them love each other more. In the off-season is when Yuuri learned that Viktor likes to take mid-morning beauty naps, and when Viktor learned that Yuuri liked to interrupt said naps as payback for Viktor’s morning hunger. Viktor couldn’t say that he disliked when Yuuri interrupted his naps though, because the two of them always ended up lounging in bed while reading or listening to music and just existing together. Sometimes they would absentmindedly intertwine their fingers, other times they would both end up half laying on each other, half laying on Makkachin. 

This particular morning Viktor was laying on his stomach flipping through a magazine while Yuuri was perpendicular to him leaning against his back, half asleep while listening to some potential skate songs. Yuuri hadn’t listening to anything that really made him feel much but he was giving the list a chance because it was sent to him by coach Yakov. Suddenly, Viktor moved out from under him and Yuuri had to scramble to keep from falling off the bed. Viktor laughed at the panicked sight of him, proclaiming, “It’s time for Makkachin’s afternoon walk!” Yuri decided to stay behind, still sampling the songs that were sent to him by Yakov. 

As Viktor left the room he walked past Yuuri, attempting to surprise him with a quick peck on the cheek. But to Viktor’s surprise, the clever man was expecting that and reacted quickly as he reached for Viktor’s hands, trapping him in his grasp. Yuuri stood, and still holding onto Viktor’s delicate hands, he reached up to kiss Viktor lovingly. The taller man leaned into the kiss, taking control from Yuuri. He reached down to rest his hand against Yuuri’s warm cheek and he felt Yuuri’s long lashes brush the edges of his fingers. His own stomach mimicked that tiny flutter and he thanks the stars that he had these moments to share with Yuuri. Makkachin interrupted Viktor’s thoughts to make his presence known and Viktor begrudging ended their tender embrace, letting his fingers trail along Yuuri’s lips as the two parted. 

Yuuri laid back down on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He continued listening to the songs but so far nothing had really struck him as a piece that he could really make his own. He was clicking onto the next song when he was jarred by something large and wet… Makkachin. Makkachin’s Leash was trailing behind him as he barked explosively. Yuuri expected a disgruntled Viktor to be just behind the charmingly troublesome dog, but he didn’t come, and Makkachin wouldn’t stop barking. Yuuri’s heart squeezed shut as he sprang from the bed and bolted down the stairs, unaware that he lacked shoes and an umbrella. As he rounded the corner he saw a crowd of concerned people surrounding a clearly unconscious man. His eyes confirmed what his already aching heart knew… the unconscious man was his Viktor.

-one year later-

It was again the off-season. There was no more simple bliss in the off-season for yuuri… Nor was there really an on-season. The year passed by without Yuuri even noticing it. Without Viktor, Yuuri was lost. The only piece he had left of Viktor was Makkachin. Naturally Yuuri loved Makkachin and took care of him without question, but sometimes he couldn’t help but look at the dog and just cry until there was nothing left. All of the passion he once felt was gone. Without Viktor he could barely muster up the energy to stand in his kitchen, let alone on a glaring sheet of ice, utterly alone while people stared at him, preparing to judge his every move. His like had been set back to where he was before meeting Viktor, but this time it was different. This time there would be no silver-haired saviour who would reach out to him and pull him out of his grief. He would stay there, barely floating to pass the time. Some people described this feeling of loss as a darkness in the heart and mind, but for Yuuri it wasn’t just a darkness, it was the loss of a light that had previously been within him. A light that could no longer shine. People had reached out to Yuuri to try to comfort him, most surprisingly Yuri Plisetsky. 

The young Russian had stopped by one afternoon to check on Yuuri. It seemed as if his friends practicing in Moscow had a rotating schedule to make sure Yuuri was still breathing. The two sat in awkward silence as they sipped coffee. When Yuri could no longer take the silence he yelled at his elder in a sudden outburst, much like when they had first met… “Are you really going to disrespect everything Viktor stood for and just fade away?! If you continue like this you’re more of a loser than I could have ever imagined!”. This caused a small spark in Yuuri and the Russian smiled as he realized he could still bristle a response from Yuri even in his grievous state. Yuri shot back, “Like it’s that easy! Like i’m supposed to just put on my skates and glide across the ice and not think about Viktor! Viktor is practically synonymous with ice and every time I even think about the way the lights reflect on the ice, I only see him!, Yuri was now crying, but from anger or sadness, neither could tell. The younger skater continued to push Yuuri, snarkily responding, “It’s not supposed to be easy, but you put on your skates and you stand up anyway! You get up off your ass and you stand for something!” Just when Yuri thought he had pushed the Japanese skater over the edge, Yuuri quietly asked, “what if I can’t stand?” As insensitive as Yuri could be he knew that Yuuri didn’t mean he was worried about physically stand up on skates anymore… he knew that he meant regaining his life after losing Viktor but he let the words keep their double meaning as he responded, “There’s only one way to find out…”

Somehow the younger skater had actually convinced Yuuri to join him on the rink for a closed practice session… What a disaster that was. As soon as Yuuri stepped onto the ice he was furious. His heart froze and his thoughts quickly turned dark ‘How could someone so healthy, so full of life, so beautiful, just… die’? Of course the doctors had a very practical reason; an aneurysm. No matter how important the person, how needed and loved a person Viktor was, even he couldn’t escape death. Yuuri felt himself breaking apart as he treaded across the ice and he tried desperately to turn this loss into beauty on the ice. He attempted to do a simple jump but his distracted mind wasn’t able to match his leap to his speed and he fell on the ice, splitting open his lip. He jumped up and began skating again, with more speed and anger than before, determined to make something of this day. He started to speed around the ice, just trying to gain the momentum necessary to land a simple jump. He leapt again and at the top of his arc, he thought he had it but as he felt the rush of happiness that flying on the ice brought to him his brain chastised him, reminding him that Viktor could never again feel the rush of skating. He fell again. He attempted several more times but his heart was quickly pulling him under until he found himself at the edge of the ice, gripping the ledge like it was the only thing tethering him to the earth. He screamed out in desperation and when his voice was too raw to make a sound he sobbed. He sobbed until he could not stand and he was sure he would never stand again. The young Russian skater watched, silent and helpless. Yuuri didn’t try to skate again… 

-another year passes-

Another off-season came. Yuuri wasn’t even sure why he bothered keeping track of the skating seasons anymore. Without Viktor skating didn’t matter. He was the reason Yuuri started skating competitively. The reason Yuuri had once felt loved. Yuuri still kept their apartment, he couldn’t move because it felt like if he moved he would be giving up on the future they could have, were supposed to have together. But there was something nagging at him today…

Yuuri cursed himself under his breath as he realized that today was exactly two years since that lazy morning, since the last time Yuuri truly felt happy. He had to do something today, he couldn’t doom himself to another day of sitting in the apartment crying. The very least he could do was clean out his bedroom. It felt so weird to think his bedroom when it should have been their bedroom.The anger and sense of cosmic injustice he used to feel had left him until there was nothing but a blank sense of apathy. Of course there were nights when feeling creeped back into his soul and he reached out for Viktor in the dark. But when he came up empty-handed he would turn towards that sense of nothingness and let it wrap around his body. Those tendrils of nothingness are what held Yuuri together when he thought too much of Viktor’s everythingness. It was with that same sense of nothingness squeezing his heart shut that Yuuri pushed into the room, determined to do something, even something small. 

Yuuri started picking up clothes first, placing them into the hamper, knowing that he probably wouldn’t even get to washing them today. He started to grab the glass of water off the nightstand table, but as he looked at a photo of him and Viktor that sat next to the glass his hand shook and he knocked the glass off the table and it shattered. With that Yuuri also shattered. He hated how fragile he seemed to be now. Viktor had once told Yuuri that he was not weak...if only Viktor could see him now. Crying over a broken glass and a damp carpet. Yuuri reached out for the reliable nothingness and let it curl around his body until he could breathe again. He knelt next to the bed to clean up the glass and as he reached down his hand brushed against the folded edge of paper stuck between the bed rail and the leg of his nightstand. He pulled the crinkled sheet from its hiding spot. When he brought to paper to the light he realized it had his name on it in Viktor’s hand. He shakily unfolded it and as he read, he felt the nothingness slither away from him....

My Yuuri, 

I’m writing this note to you as you begin your warm up for the free skate. After we talked last neither of us knew where we stood for next season. I have yet to make my decision but I need you to know this… even if I do not skate again, you must! You must share the love you have inside you with everyone who watches. Before I met you I was good at skating, but I was bad at living. Your skating rearranged my entire world and taught me to live. Your love did the same for me. 

I can’t be certain what my future holds, but I know you’ll be in it. With you at my side I know that I can take on the world. You cannot give up on skating when you have so much love in you to share with the world, Yuuri! Your love has changed me for the better and I would trade every gold medal in the world to hold your hand for as long as I can. Even if i’m not skating I will always be with you no matter what life throws at us.

With my love, always, Your Viktor 

Yuuri openly sobbed. He sat on the floor clutching the letter like it alone was his lifeline. For the first time in a year he pushed the nothingness away and embraced the emotions he felt. Yuuri read the letter over and over again for the rest of the day, somehow struck raw by the emotions it held each time he started it over again. Viktor had clearly written this while they were in Barcelona for the Grand Prix Finals and because of their shortened time together it was the only note he had from Viktor. Each time he read the letter he cried until his eyes felt swollen but with each repetition of the letter he felt more sure of what he needed to do. Even though Viktor composed this assuming that Yuuri would retire from skating because his idol had stopped skating; not that the love of his life had stopped breathing, the words still felt right. Yuuri desperately needed to follow Viktor’s advice one last time. He would skate again, he would skate to express his love of Viktor; and to begin living again. 

Yuuri knew there was only one person who would be able to help him get back into skating. One person who wouldn’t be afraid to push him to be able to skate again. Yuri Plisetsky. Even though Yuuri hadn’t skated since the last time he saw the young Russian skater, he still followed the sport. Yuuri had gone on to take Viktor’s place in the skating world, winning several consecutive Grand Prix Finals and even skating in The Four Continents and World Championships. As busy as Yuri inevitably was he answered immediately when the older skater called him. 

The Russian champion pulled some strings that would allow Yuuri to skate in the exhibition program at the Grand Prix Finals in the upcoming season. They both knew that Yuri was in no shape to skate competitively at the moment and figured the exhibition would be a good chance for Yuuri to make his comeback without the pressure of competition. 

They began training almost immediately and even though Yurio was also training for his competitive career he would share the rink with Yuuri Katsuki and just as Yuuri expected, pushed him harder than ever. Yuuri appreciated that the younger skater pushed him the way he did though. Even though sometimes it felt like he may break, if Yurio had been nice in that apologetic way everyone seemed to treat Yuuri these days, he probably would have lost it. Yuuri constantly called him “pig” and “loser” but that was normal for the two of them. Just like when they first met, the younger skater’s passion and determined aggression pushed Yuuri to build himself up. 

They trained for several months without even planning a program and when the time came to begin planning the actual performance, Yuuri started to shut down again. There was no way he could choose from one of the programs that Yakov had sent to him two years ago. If those hadn’t inspired love in him then, with Viktor by his side, how could they now? No, he would let the song come to him, and it did. He was sitting by himself after practice one day in a small book shop when he heard the song… he knew it would be his skate song immediately because it struck him to his core and resonated within him, his story of loss and learning to have the will to live again. The will to love again.

Yurio continued to coach him right up until the day of the exhibition. Surprisingly, although still his brash and confident self, Yurio made an exceptional coach. Together they worked through every detail of the performance until there was nothing left to do except perform it. Yuri walked with him to the edge of the ice and as he turned to head toward the audience he mumbled something that shocked the older skater to his core… without meeting Yuuri’s eyes, the Russian Punk mumbled, “I miss him too ya know”...

When the time came to perform Yuuri could feel his heart start to clench shut as he began to think about his last exhibition… an exhibition that he skated with Viktor. He started to clench shut but then he thought of the letter from Viktor. He carried the letter with him every day, as a reminder to rise up from his loss. While he would always love Viktor, he knew now that he needed to continue to live or all that he learned from Viktor and all the Viktor learned from him, would be lost. So as he stepped onto the ice he opened his heart up and unsurprisingly, from his open heart tears sprang forth. The crowd was clearly shocked to hear his name, to see his face. He looked into the crowd, finding the familiar faces of his competitors, expecting to find familiar looks of sympathy. Instead he found his own emotions reflected back to him… love, surprise, determination and something more bittersweet that still lingered underneath. He looked down at himself as he skated to the center of the ice. He wore the same costume from his free skate the year Viktor first coached him. He wore it not only for the familiarness of it but because in his mind it was a piece of himself that had been able to portray how he lived and how he loved. Something he needed to share again. The entire arena was silent and it seemed like an eternity before the piece began…

The piece started with lonely notes played on a piano that made Yuuri feel hollow. He had to stop himself from reaching out to that comforting nothingness. But soon a voice added in and it was the words that made him consider everything he had been through to get to this moment. In this moment his heart opened up fully for the first time in two years and his thoughts came flooding through him, adding into the emotions swirling around him on the ice. He thought of the past two years without Viktor and how they were the worst he had ever experienced. No upset at the Grand Prix Finals would ever be as painful as life without Viktor. But for Yuuri to continue in life he needed to pick himself up and continue life without his first real love, regardless of the pain that would be there, threatening to consume him. Before Yuuri could reflect on that pain he started to think of the beautiful moments he was able to share with Viktor in their short time together. He thought of their first meeting in Japan, all the times they skated together, and all the times they expressed their love for one another. Images flashed through his head sometimes at speeds he couldn’t comprehend, and other times, so slowly that he could count the seconds that past. He remembered their first kiss after he performed in the Cup of China Free Skate. As he thought about all the beauty Viktor brought into his life he could see Viktor’s face so clearly it was as if his first love was on the ice with him again for one last duet. Yuuri took comfort in that thought as he skated through his step sequence. Yuuri took time to appreciate each of the little moments that they got to spend together. For the first time since he lost Viktor, Yuuri allowed himself to think of the last lazy morning they had spent together. He pictured Viktor’s entrancing features inches from his own face, felt his hand caressing the side of his face, and tasted Viktor’s lips as they crushed against his own.It had been a beautiful and finite moment. Although that morning, and his time with Viktor had been short, it had all been worth it. Knowing Viktor had been worth every tear that yuuri had shed since losing his silver-haired fiancé. Knowing Viktor had changed Yuuri forever. It was with a renewed sense of purpose that Yuuri finally thought of their final moments together… 

After Yuuri found Viktor lying unconscious outside, the younger skater rode with his idol and love of his life to the hospital where the doctors broke the devastating news to Yuuri. He shook his head in denial. He could remember thinking, ‘how could someone as beautiful and full of life as Viktor be stopped by something as ugly as an aneurysm?’ As long as Viktor was breathing, Yuuri was by his side. He held onto the Russian skater’s hand, and Yuuri tried as hard as he could to visualize some of his own life trickling through his own fingers into Viktor’s, using their matching rings as a catalyst. But try as he might, he did not have the power to give life, so he gave what he could until Viktor’s final moments… unconditional love. With a heaviness in his heart that would always linger he remembered the last time his lips touched Viktor's skin. Yuuri knew that he was losing Viktor now. With tears stinging his eyes, he had leaned in and pressed the gentlest of kisses against Viktors temples. He sensed Viktor's soul grasp at his own like waves reaching towards a shore that it would never reach. Then Like the inevitably ebb and flow of the tide, Viktor's soul retreated. 

Snapping back to his current physical self, he felt his heart grow heavy and threaten to pull him under. He fell and the ice was hard against his tired body and his aching soul. He instinctively reached out towards the ever-present nothingness but a yell from the crowd convinced him to pick himself up on his own accord. Another yell sent the nothingness reeling away. Soon the yells were accompanied by several more. He looked up to see all his former competitors cheering for him. Loudest of all was Yurio. He must have been the one to see the desperation in Yuuri’s eyes as he hit the ice. Soon the entire arena, despite not understanding Yuuri’s struggles, was cheering for him. He rose from the ice and continued to skate his exhibition program. 

Yuuri was now steadily sobbing with each heaving breath. But this would not deter him.The words in Viktor’s letter came to him again, ringing in his head and he knew, just as Viktor promised, that Viktor was with him now and forever. He would finish this skate, and he would continue on to skate next season, and the following seasons. He would do this not only for Viktor and all those that had loved him, but for himself. He had more life in him, and more love within his life that he needed to share with the world. He listened to the bittersweet melody and finally felt a new confidence building up in him. After two years of fighting with his own emotions and his memories he knew that he would be able to push forward. He would always love Viktor and would forever be changed just by knowing him, but he could no longer allow losing Viktor to stop him from living. If Yuri let loss overcome him then what remained of his life would go against everything that he learned from Viktor and everything he had given to Viktor would be for nothing. Just as Yuuri proclaimed his love when he announced the theme for his program the year Viktor coached him, he felt ready to proclaim his love again. This time it would be his love for life. As the song ended and Yuuri circled the ice to his final pose he knew this was not the end. Despite losing his first love, the man who inspired him to fight, he knew he was not done. Yuuri Katsuki would still rise.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, special thanks to CerebralThunder who helped me figure out how to kill Viktor. 
> 
> Thanks for dealing with shitty music embedding. I'm trying to find a more mobile-friendly way to add in the music.
> 
> Feel free to share. You can also find this posted on my tumblr... flowercrownvitya.tumblr.com
> 
> If you want something lighter and fluffier after that then I can recommend With Stars In His Eyes. <3


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